This Is What Dying Feels Like

Why? Boredom.

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:36:01 GMT

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) Favourite and least favourite food?
34) Do you believe in God?
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

On a side note... Incinerate- Anatomize (2008) Leaked today. Check it out.

Music

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 08:04:54 GMT

Recently the only thing I've been focusing on is my music. Guitar. Lots of it. Jazz and blues lessons are great. If anybody even reads this anymore, I will see you on tour in the next few years.

I miss just about everyone I used to know too... Wish I could turn back time and see everyone again the way it used to be.

Nocturnal

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 20:31:55 GMT

They're coming to get me again.
Attacking me from within.
Devouring my insides fetidly.
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I didn't want this
A dissection of ego

It's been nearly six months since I've posted here, but I need a release.

Never has a feeling of emptiness consumed me so. People all seem like puppets to me, and how I desire to destroy them all.
A fucking sick race we are, closed minded, and never willing to hear both sides. We will all kill ourselves in the end, for those who live unknowingly have a desire to die, we remove ourselves from the planet.

My mind is flooded, and sleep is a laughable suggestion.

Revelations

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 20:12:14 GMT

Life is one giant ride in which we experience a part of ourselves with every new person we meet.

Open your third eye up people, it's been blinded for far too long by TV, and America in general.

The government are lying cocksuckers, enough said.

Three drugs that do the most for you are illegal; LSD, Mushrooms, Marijuana, while Alcohol and Tobacco are legal. Why?

Start waking up to the world in which you live people. It's really getting sad.

Hope and it's departure

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 12:32:58 GMT

Fuck.

Something I wrote

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 08:22:51 GMT

I am delirium
Futuristic hallucinations
Consume my visual field
Revelations, psychoactive symbiosis

Collapsing sky
From all directions, I am
Delirium

Deja Vu?

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 21:13:20 GMT

For the past 8 days I had a girl of age 22 named Tomoe(she's originally from Osaka) living with me and sharing my bed with me. I met her in California when I went there earlier this summer. While she was out here we ate lots of sushi, smoked lots of mary j, and ultimately we fell for each other. Today I drove her to the airport and ate lunch with her before saying goodbye for a long while. I feel truly alone. There is no one here for me. I have only a few true friends, and the only one I love is in California.

For some reason I feel like something like this has happened before.

...

Oh wait, it did happen, 3 years ago... Different circumstances, but same result.

Hello Marijuana, my true friend.

Utter chaos

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 09:30:10 GMT

Life in the past few weeks has taken a turn for the worse. First off, my sister was an idiot and decided to go out and stay out literally all night with some 18 year old guys. Not smart the first time she did it. The second time too. The third time, we had enough and called the police because she said she wasn't coming home. So according to my sister's story she gave the police, they took her into custody, and then Boulder County court systems took her from us completely. Oh and they decided to go ahead and slap neglect charges on my parents.

Now, while all this was going on, I was up to my usual routine. Wake up, smoke, go to work, smoke 6 times and then go to bed. Some days I take shrooms, and just trip fucking balls. I feel good during these times.

Tonight and yesterday though have been quite different. My routines have been interupted. Once, by my dad calling me while i was on my way to pick up a large amount of reefer. He calls crying and telling me that he's going to get drunk and kill himself. So I had to go over there. I calmed him down and took him to an Alchoholics Anonymous meeting.

Then tonight, my mom decided to drink some. My mom doesn't handle alchohol well. She acts like a fool and yells and does stupid shit. We went to Best Buy after she drank at Spice China, and she just went back and put on a Tool cd and started blasting it in the room where they test subwoofers. After picking out some listening and playing material (three cd's: Isis- Oceanic:Remixes/Reinterpretations, Paul Oakenfold-Voyage Into Trance, and Sasha And Digweed: Northern Exposure 2:East Coast. I also got Prey for the 360) I went over to where she was at. Somehow it turned into her asking if i wanted these subs. Two 12 inch subs, a 1200 watt amp, box, wiring...all that shit...720 something dollars. So I'm thinking that today was ok, and that I was going to go back and just smoke with some friends maybe. Anyways, as soon as we get home, my mom starts freaking out. Fresh 6 pack of beer in hand she starts drinking a few. This is where things go wrong. She starts yelling and crying. In fact I'm not even going to go into much detail. 3 hours later, I have a revelation. I need to somehow get my mom and dad to live together. My dad is suicidal because I don't live with him, my mom said she couldn't live if I left her...so I'm just stuck in the middle.

Chaos.

P.S.

I did Salvia today. It was awful. I had to smoke so much to feel weird. It tasted horrible, and my trip was short and frightening, followed by me having a horrible attitude for about an hour after. I took a huge rip finally of salvia, stood up and spit everywhere, went into the bathroom, and then all the sudden, my face was in a red towel that went forever, with millions of other faces. I heard someone say look at CJ, and as that happened, i felt my face get torn off, and i started screaming and spinning in circles. Fuck that shit.

More bullshit

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 06:32:27 GMT

This substance abuse class is hilarious. The guy teaching it is a cock.

He has his head so far up his ass it hurts.

Anyways, I got teh kind buds.

Fuuuuck

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 20:23:11 GMT

Days are blending together.

I seriously have lost pretty much all sense of time.

Time to take a break from drinking and doing drugs no?

Mk

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:03:53 GMT

I was going to take a 2 week break from smoking the herb. But tonight my friend tom is hooking me up hardcore. me him and some girl are going to smoke a quad. In one night. The goal is to hallucinate.

School

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 19:25:34 GMT

NO MORE FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL!

Mon, 29 May 2006 22:32:42 GMT

So I have been high for about the past week or so.

Life is just getting better and better for me. I don't really worry about small shit because I have realized that things happen the way that they're supposed to.

I feel purposeful. I feel safe.

Sat, 13 May 2006 04:25:03 GMT

What a chill night last night.

Smoke everywhere, seeing a friend i haven't seen in over a few years. Damn. Too bad I had school today...

Tool

Wed, 10 May 2006 05:03:41 GMT

I GOT TICKETS AFTER ALL

I AM SEEING TOOL TOMORROW

Mmmmm

Mon, 08 May 2006 06:24:25 GMT

The bullet hole looks so right in your head
like it'd been missing all along
the blood streaked across your face like some twisted lover's deformed lipstick trace
staring at your reflection wondering how you're still alive
wondering if she's somewhere laughing deciding whether to let you die

Anyways those are from PD.

But yeah onto life.

Life=bitchness. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I just wander around in a trance almost.

On the good side, I found a new band to begin playing with. They aren't all Jesus Freaks. Fuck that. Most of them either don't care, or hate god as much as I.

Dear Lordie

Fri, 05 May 2006 06:28:40 GMT

I just got the new Tool CD.

I may have just peed a little. It is that good.

And I got tickets to see them on the 10th.

Life is teh rawk.

happy for a change

Wed, 03 May 2006 06:58:18 GMT

I feel so happy right now. It's either the lack of sleep or the fact that I just remembered that the exchange students are coming again. or the fact I'm listening to music that reminds me of them... or...all of the above

Mmm boy

Mon, 01 May 2006 05:18:36 GMT

Yesterday at the store, some guy asked if I toke...THE GUY WAS FUCKING IN A BUSINESS SUIT. He was probably about 40 and looked like he had his shit together. I was freaked out.

After that I went over to my friend Forrests house...drank 2 fourties and smoked 3 bowls. I was out of my fuckin mind. I woke up today with his huge pocket knife in my well...pocket. I don't remember taking it.

Wow. I can no longer say that life is boring. I just need to get out more often I guess.

And as far as my "dad" and "sister" are concerned. Fuck that. My dad is trying to make me live with him again and says he'll legally take me. News flash: Once you're 13 you can choose who to live with. Haaaahaaaa. Dumbass. My sister is consistently hurting herself. She had a girl purposely drop a 10 pound weight on her foot so she could get out of school. MORON. And next time she pulls shit like that, she gets to go to a boarding school, which we have to pay for unfortunately. But, serves her right for being a cunt.

And my mom bought a brand new VW Jetta, which might I say is fast as fuck and fun to drive.

Adding to this noise

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 14:00:52 GMT

My sister just attempted suicide again...Swallowed thirty pills...of Antipsychotics.

It's a steady screech now.

Noise

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 07:23:03 GMT

It's getting unbearable.

people people people

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 18:52:01 GMT

It is becoming almost unbareable to deal with people anymore. So many fucking backstabbers, so many fakes, so many assholes. I can't even turn a corner without seeing someone that makes me nauseous. It's like Monarch is a fucking breeding ground for these people. And when I finally get to see my good friends, someone else is there to drag it down for me. I don't know what the fuck is wrong. Maybe stopping all my medications at once was not a bright idea...

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:59:43 GMT

T3h Maryjane

The tats

(Aequitas=Justice, Retribution in latin)

(Veritas=Truth in latin)

The sleepless picture

Dear Diary

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 07:10:31 GMT

I'm dead.
This is a true story.

doing something to keep my mind off the fact i just lost all my best friends

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 10:29:05 GMT

Top 25 favorite songs of all time

1. My Best Wishes- I Killed The Prom Queen
2. Closed Casket Requiem- The Black Dahlia Murder
3. When Everything Falls- Haste The Day
4. Death To Traitors- Beloved
5. The Spine Splitter- Cannibal Corpse
6. 9PM(Til I Come)-ATB
7. Cry For Eternity- DragonForce
8. Knife vs Face: Round 1- Drop Dead, Gorgeous
9. Sin and Sacrifice- Devildriver
10. Dreamstate Emergency- Mnemic
12. Deliverance-Opeth
13. Piss Angel- Pig Destroyer
14. Recovery- Still Remains
15. Beneath Dying Skies- Through The Eyes Of The Dead
16. 5 Year Winter- Zao
17. The End Of Heartache- Killswitch Engage
18. Mad World- Gary Jules ****BEAUTIFUL SONG****
19. Awakened By Sirens- Deadlock
20. Oklahoma- Darkest Hour
21. Smoke Ya Later- The Acacia Strain
22. Hand Of Blood- Bullet For My Valentine
23. Lip Gloss And Black- Atreyu
24. Walking On Clouds- DJ Tiesto
25. IntenCity-ATB

Top 10 favorite movies

1. Battle Royale
2. Pulp Fiction
3. Donnie Darko
4. Kill Bill 1
5. Kill Bill 2
6. Battle Royale II:Requiem
7. Hostel
8. Kung Fu Hustle
9. Office Space *Work does fucking suck*
10. Resident Evil